WEEK 3
TONI’S TOUR
Tonga’s accommodation options are a little lopsided.
The top end of the market is poor value, particularly around Nuku’alofa, where most of the hotels (including those that survived the town riots in 2006) are ramshackled enough not to seriously bother.
Mid-range options in Tonga are generally the best ones, for which you are paying a little more, but receiving acceptable quality in return.
Budget standards don’t rate so highly throughout the Kingdom and this is where Toni’s Guest House steps in.
Toni’s is something of an institution in Nuku’alofa for this very reason – he offers extremely liveable quarters and mostly for under $30 per night.
Toni the man is a ruddy, thickly accented and at times bellicose 60-something Englishman from Lancashire who has been running his show in Nuku’alofa for the past 18 years.
Along with the officious bedside manner comes his long-suffering Tongan bride Leni, who co-runs proceedings with the man himself.
It is a surprisingly solid ship and despite the constant niggle, Toni’s $40 full-island Tongatapu tours are as much a part of a visit to Tonga as staying at his fine establishment.
Once weekly Kava nights are also on the roster upon demand but it’s really the tour I came for.
Interest began building around a day-long Friday tour so I slotted myself in with a couple of Germans and another in order to make-up the 4 person minimum required.
By departure Friday 10 am, extra blow-ins had packed the van out to 8, engendering no further complaints from the guide.
It is an anti-clockwise affair, heading west out of town to a running commentary from Toni, as he espouses his knowledge of Tongan agricultural practises as well as the various Christian churches of all denominations.
Catholic, Free-Wesleyan, Seventh-Day Adventist, Jehovah’s Witness all have substantial representation throughout the Kingdom, but none are set to compete in any way with the Mormon juggernaut which is all but set to take over Tonga completely.
The Mormons have serious finances out of the U.S and are overseeing the construction of multi-million dollar establishments in all parts of Tongatapu.
Brand spanking new temples, churches and schools are springing up virtually by the month and it is difficult not to suppose that religious domination may be a clear objective.
I guess there are worse things in an absolute sense that could be attracting such a heavy weighting of foreign investment – drug cartels for instance – so it should be all well and good for the Tongans to live their lives in this way, if they so choose…..
TONI’S TOUR
Tonga’s accommodation options are a little lopsided.
The top end of the market is poor value, particularly around Nuku’alofa, where most of the hotels (including those that survived the town riots in 2006) are ramshackled enough not to seriously bother.
Mid-range options in Tonga are generally the best ones, for which you are paying a little more, but receiving acceptable quality in return.
Budget standards don’t rate so highly throughout the Kingdom and this is where Toni’s Guest House steps in.
Toni’s is something of an institution in Nuku’alofa for this very reason – he offers extremely liveable quarters and mostly for under $30 per night.
Toni the man is a ruddy, thickly accented and at times bellicose 60-something Englishman from Lancashire who has been running his show in Nuku’alofa for the past 18 years.
Along with the officious bedside manner comes his long-suffering Tongan bride Leni, who co-runs proceedings with the man himself.
It is a surprisingly solid ship and despite the constant niggle, Toni’s $40 full-island Tongatapu tours are as much a part of a visit to Tonga as staying at his fine establishment.
Once weekly Kava nights are also on the roster upon demand but it’s really the tour I came for.
Interest began building around a day-long Friday tour so I slotted myself in with a couple of Germans and another in order to make-up the 4 person minimum required.
By departure Friday 10 am, extra blow-ins had packed the van out to 8, engendering no further complaints from the guide.
It is an anti-clockwise affair, heading west out of town to a running commentary from Toni, as he espouses his knowledge of Tongan agricultural practises as well as the various Christian churches of all denominations.
Catholic, Free-Wesleyan, Seventh-Day Adventist, Jehovah’s Witness all have substantial representation throughout the Kingdom, but none are set to compete in any way with the Mormon juggernaut which is all but set to take over Tonga completely.
The Mormons have serious finances out of the U.S and are overseeing the construction of multi-million dollar establishments in all parts of Tongatapu.
Brand spanking new temples, churches and schools are springing up virtually by the month and it is difficult not to suppose that religious domination may be a clear objective.
I guess there are worse things in an absolute sense that could be attracting such a heavy weighting of foreign investment – drug cartels for instance – so it should be all well and good for the Tongans to live their lives in this way, if they so choose…..
(Brand new) Mormon temple
Not having consumed since the previous evening, I opted for the former to see me through the remainder of the day.
The afternoon session was an exploration of Tongatapu’s southern blowholes, a quick look at the (recently deceased) King’s former coastal residence, swimming at ‘Oholei Beach (see Week 1 blog entry) and finally Tonga’s extremely underwhelming and tragically neglected archaeological monuments.
The beach kids
Pretty arachnid
The Maui Trilithon is supposedly rated as another Stonehenge but I fail to understand this completely.
It is nothing but a couple of large rocks in an overgrown swamp, surrounded by the lonely tents of a handful of craft vendors who voraciously attend to the even fewer visitors that happen to pass on by.
Perhaps I am being a little disdainful towards history here, but it is decidedly unimpressive.
The main burial sites are padlocked behind chicken wire and have been so for the past 2 years or more - they are so overgrown and forgotten that it is simply not even worth a tourist snap.
Tiki vendor - Maui Trilithon
Despite its depressing main attraction, the Lapaha precinct is a fine representative microcosm of Tongan existence – fringeing the south eastern shore of Tongatapu’s central Fanga’Uta Lagoon, the locals hit the water in numbers at dusk, trawling for the weekend’s sustenance by any means at their disposal.
This particular afternoon also happened to be “celebrating” a funeral, with those not out in the water milling about town in their traditional black and grass skirts – various wakes and gatherings in yards from one end of town to another.
Perhaps the most intriguing activity however was the sight of a well-positioned police radar on the main road out of Nuku’alofa, gunning the rush hour barrage as they hoon back to the plantation, sometimes at speeds approaching 50 km/h - big trouble of course when the speed limit is only 40 km/h in this part of town.
The devious coppers apparently nab a considerable quota of the law-breaking locals – all things being fair would also see most of the cars permanently defected as they receive their speeding fines, but in reality, there simply may not be enough man hours or police at hand to impound 95% of the cars in Tonga…..
HINA CAVE #2
A Friday night dinner show was mooted amongst the tourists – either Likualofa Resort or Hina Cave at ‘Oholei Beach were the choices on offer.
I needed no persuasion to cast my vote and my word of influence around the group seemed to work.
So off to Hina Cave it was.
HA’APAI OR NOT SO HA’APAI?
It was a 30 minute Saturday morning flight to the Ha’apai archipelago, close on 200 km north of the main island Tongatapu.
My Ha’apai gameplan was yet to materialise and nothing was any more certain once on the ground.
Planes take off and land on the island of Lifuka – Pangai is the not so buzzing main metropolis of Lifuka - a town with a few hundred inhabitants; a dozen or so shops; a port; a high school; a hospital; at least 6 churches; half-a-dozen or so places to stay; 3 internet cafes; a restaurant and no running water.
The Ha’apai airport transfer system basically involves bumming a lift into town with one of the locals – unless one happens to arrive on a day when the town cab has petrol in it.
I had blindly nominated the home of Langi Langi as my accommodation of choice, so this was at least a start.
My driver dispatched me in good time and on arrival, Langi Langi herself led me upstairs to my very basic digs, with an invitation to make myself at home.
Flying to Ha'apai
Langi Langi's grandkids
Lifuka sundown
The boys of Pangai
SATURDAY, SUNDAY & MONDAY IN TONGA #3
Probably by about Monday evening, I had figured out what to do next.
Whether it was 3 days of sitting about doing not very much or an incredible feat of meticulous planning (governed mainly by a island-time transport infrastructure bordering on dysfunction), I managed to somehow get it together.
As close as I was to packing it in and heading directly back to Tongatapu, the Universe was having none of it at a progressive agenda was evolving.
My next onward journey was set to be another Saturday flight, this time to the Va’va’u archipelago, but not before a 2-day sojourn to the nearby paradise of Uoleva.
Incidentally, I had also made a point of voluntarily attending church again on Sunday as well as at 4.30 am Monday morning, though there was little say in this one.
Perhaps I have previously been out of the firing line, but it is the common practise throughout Tonga for dawn services on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings.
Bells ring, drums thump, choirs lift the roof and this doesn’t even account for the roosters and town dogs who join in the chorus at maximum tilt.
Praise to the Lord.
UOLEVA
Uoleva is a small and uninhabited island immediately south of Lifuka, around 40 minutes by a tiny timber boat.
There are 2½ places of accommodation on Uoleva and nothing else – the 2 established are both budget-wise options and it was to be my choice of "Captain Cook’s" for both Wednesday and Thursday.
The 3rd establishment is the yet to be completed and officially yet to be named “Serenity Bay Resort” soon-to-be run by the Hawai’ian ex-pat Patti and her Tongan boy, Sammi - but more on this later.
"Captain Cook’s" is a sandy collection of beach huts on the exquisite and isolated western shoreline of Uoleva.
Very primitive in its essence and functioning, $50 Tongan Pa’anga per day (US$25) buys a roof over one’s head and some top shelf Tongan chow from the manager-in-residence, Mele (a.k.a Maria).
For those wanting to party, it should be recommended to stay at home – with no power and limited running water, it is more the place to get back to basics and live like a savage for at least a little while.
As the only Palangi anywhere in sight, I have to admit being right in my element these past few days.
Conversely, high-season sees Uoleva swamped by the bargain-budget tourist set for weeks on end as it is one of the blue ribbon whale-watching destinations of the South Pacific – there are a few throughout Tonga and this is definitely one of them.
Diving, snorkelling, fishing, swimming are all more than acceptable things to do in addition to general beach-bumming, snoozing in a hammock or sitting around reading an odd book in the sun.
Whatever, one must arrive with an empty plan and allow time and space to take care of the details.
Trying to force the issue out here doesn’t really work so well.
Leaving for Uoleva
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